My initial journey with Christ started with my dramatic encounter of Jesus while on a Ventilator. This was followed by a few great months with many answered prayers and the knowledge of His sweet Presence. Many times His presence will take over me. I remember once when I felt His awesome presence while I was in my office van, I did not even realize that my vehicle had hit against another vehicle and its front glass had broken. When I opened my eyes, I saw that all were getting down and the glass was broken.
As the years passed by, this presence ebbed in my life while the longing within me increased. I was like that wife whose husband has left her for many years after their beautiful honeymoon experience. I had the insatiable desire and longing to tear the veil between me and God. I had that same feeling of lostness when my second son got lost while he was very small in a mall as he walked after another child, while I was busy shopping. I imagined that I will never see him again and was frantically running here and there to finally find him crying in a shop.
I was unmoved by normal church spirituality where everyone puts on that holy look as if they had resigned to the life of a blank-faced monk in a remote wilderness. I used to be frustrated and felt like being on a lifelong treasure hunt, whenever some spiritual guy came along and told that his life was a continual stream of miracles and I too can do if I just had enough faith. Faith became heavy weight and a great burden of guilt to me. I thought of it as a mysterious thing that can change anything.
I did not understand that my story was interwoven in the adventure God was taking me on and the restlessness and emptiness I felt had something to do with God. Jesus was calling me through the longing of my heart, and trying to speak to me through its thirsts. He called me more deeply to the romance set within me; through the yearning and longing within me. Thankfully I did not give up this romance but followed it up to its source. This journey of my restlessness made me to explore the hidden questions of my heart, born out of the stories of my life and to trace the steps of my journey towards the higher calling, and to discover my soul’s deepest longing. God wanted me to know that my faith is not a blind faith based on experience but on evidence through His warm, alive and poignantly haunting voice. The deepest part of my heart longed to be bound together with God in some heroic purpose due to my desire for intimacy.
Through the wooing of this heart, I was drawn to the Scriptures to know Him more and to know that my faith is not based on anything abstract. I tried to find the scientific and historic proof of the Scriptures. In this modern era of technological advances and scientific progress, and with the advancements in knowledge that modern man possesses, is it possible to find out whether the Bible is really inspired by a perfect God or just a collection of fairytales, as many sceptics suggest?
To my amazement, I found that the Scripture is accurate both scientifically and historically, and Biblical faith is not a blind leap into the dark. 27% of the Bible is made up of prophecy, and many of the prophecies have been exactly fulfilled as foretold. I also found that the Bible has been well preserved. I was surprised to see that the scores of archaeological findings that confirmed in exact detail the historical statements in the Bible. Though many sceptics claim that the Bible says things like ‘the earth is flat’ and that ‘our planet is the centre of the universe’, I found out that it contained so much scientific accuracy well ahead of its time.
Being a scientist, I was much interested in space exploration. Hence I took up the first chapter of Genesis as a model study and was able to prove that the order of the events described in Genesis are scientifically accurate, and thus could only be the result of divine knowledge. The statements recorded by Moses in that first chapter have been a mystery for thousands of years to Bible scholars and scientists until now. Discoveries made by NASA’s Hubble and Spitzer space telescopes show how light came into being from a fog like plasma accrete in total darkness and how planets formed from a formless cloud of dust and debris, in the same fashion as Moses described. I was enthralled to find that the sequence given in chapter 1 exactly matched scientific proofs, I felt thrilled to see how God culminated that complete process with human beings made in the image of God. The human genetic code, 3.4 billion letters long and exactly in the right order, proved beyond doubt that I am not a derivative of mass and energy and undeniably Bible is of supernatural in origin.
Also I was intrigued by Genesis 2:1-3, where it says that by the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made. I was wondering if God is omnipotent and could have spoken the whole creation into existence in an instant. When He was done, God didn’t need a day off because He was exhausted! There was still His redemptive work left. But He rested as He wanted to emphasize rest for us who are bombarded with activity every waking moment and to teach us to live moment by moment in His Presence trusting Him completely resting on Him.
When I understood the mystery of rest, it was a great breakthrough for me. As I changed the focus from me, my loneliness, my emptiness, the arrows within my heart and shifted the focus on to His greatness, His faithfulness, I found rest in Him. Finally I ended my strivings to find evidence to my faith through this scientific and historic proof of the Scriptures, as I developed a great trust and faith that gave me the complete rest. I became like that weaned little child, who quietly rested in the arms of God. There was no need to desperately cling, holding on to Him for dear life but due to the developed trust and confidence, I learnt I can rest now being rooted and established in His love. The insecurity with my relationship with God that needed that constant reassurance and affirmation in a sheltered emotional stage vanished. I am loved more than I can ever imagine. This art of resting made me to live constantly in the presence of God in the knowledge of God’s continual love and to receive with an open heart what He has to do in my life. As I learnt to live in the present realm with God instead of spending my time with my past or future, obsessed with my worries, I realized that I had found part of the lost journey of my heart that led me to my Creator.